My Story
I spent the first 20 years of my life acquiring my conditioning—my beliefs about my self and the world. I was then set free to interact with the world. Instead of having a beautiful experience and learning about the world and encountering people and experiences with confidence and curiosity, I was in a state of constant fear. Instead of seeing the oneness in the world I saw separation. Every person and experience was seen as a battle. Of course I didn’t know any of this at the time and I thought I was normal.
For most of my 20s I worked at a hedgefund in New York City. The environment was exciting and the people to my right and left were getting 7 figure bonuses and owned multiple homes worldwide (which I was not, although I was probably doing better financially than most of my friends). The more time I spent there the more the stress of the environment weighed on me (I was in a constant state of fight or flight). Strangely, I became more and more identified with my job and where I worked. I had built an identity around it which had largely consumed me. I often appeared as an arrogant controlling asshole, however, I was really really scared and incredibly insecure.
Around the age of 30 I had a “perfect storm” which resulted in deep physical, mental, emotional and spiritual distress. I experienced a surfing accident which resulted in a serious infection and subsequent health probIems and I lost my job at the hedgefund. I did not know what to do regarding my physical health, but also what to do with my life. There were many sleepless nights and a rather deep depression. After searching for answers in the medical world and receiving none I found the work of Paul Chek, who I will refer to as the godfather of holistic health. Within 3 months I had largely restored my physical health. I learned the importance of food quality, digestion, hormones and eating the right foods for your unique body. I also learned how to more effectively manage the various stressors in my life. I was super excited with this newfound knowledge and the transformation I had made.I wanted to help other people do the same, so I decided to enroll in Paul Chek’s holistic lifestyle coaching program and completed all 3 levels within 1 year. Things started falling into place for me.
I soon began working as a nutritionist and health coach in NYC. A premier fitness club in SoHo hired me to provide nutrition and health consulting services. It was there that I worked with numerous A list actors and some of the highest paid business people in the world. It was exciting at first, but I quickly became frustrated. I really wanted to help people change but what I saw was that people didn’t really want to change, they just wanted to check a box. I soon realized how poor nutrition and lifestyle habits most often stem from mental/emotional issues. I began to dig more deeply into the mental, emotional, spiritual layers of healing and I started working through some of my own issues. I began to incorporate some of this into my work with clients, but was met with resistance by many.
After about 5 years of working with people in NYC I had a daughter and became a mostly full-time dad. They say having a child will change you and well, it changed me more than I can imagine and propelled me even deeper down the healing path. I began thinking about my daughters development. I remember one time I saw her look in the mirror and I realized there was no separate self, there was no judgement about what she saw, it was all one thing with no filter. The separation, the subject/object had not yet been formed. I started thinking about my own childhood and how I became “Steve”.
It was at this point that I took what I would call the “First Step.” (The main characteristic of this phase would be confronting things head on and not blaming anyone else or the world for your issues). I began delving into my life, especially the first 10 years of my life and began remembering things—things that shaped who I was, or more accurately, who I thought I was. I began to unravel the puzzle of me. This remembering was helpful, but I didn’t know what to do with the memories or how to heal them. I knew I was mad about things from the past or I had feelings of guilt and shame, but there had to be more. I knew there were deeper emotions that were blocked up inside of me. I needed access to those.
This is when I developed the first part of the OUT Healing process - the ability to transmute stuck emotions. Over the course of 12 months I used OUT to heal in a way that I could never have imagined. During the process I experienced the deepest despair, grief and agony that I had ever experienced but I also experienced the greatest joy and peace imaginable. But….. I wasn’t done.
Around the age of 40 I had another health and life crisis. My body was breaking down and I could barely get out of bed. This one really didn’t make any sense. I was eating right, moving, I had a low level of toxins in my life, my blood work looked normal (based on functional standards) and I was doing psychological spiritual work. I was VERY scared. I thought I was going to die, seriously. Around this time I was called to deepen my spiritual practice. I knew I wasn’t going to get the answer from anyone but ME. I turned in and was shown that there were some major imbalances in my life. I was also shown that I had all the tools I needed. I didn’t need anyone to heal me. Qigong came back into my life at this point and I began to deepen my practice. I also began to learn more about the self-healing power of your own hands, via mudras/hand gestures and through Jin Shin Jyutsu. And I learned the importance of energetic hygiene, which includes - rebalancing, protecting and clearing your energy on a regular basis. My life changed within a few months.
So over the last 13 years I have concluded that to fulfill your unique mission in this world you need 3 main things:
An energy practice - This includes Qigong and a variety of other techniques that you can use to rebalance, protect and clear your energy on a regular basis.
An awareness of the interference mechanisms that are present in this reality. Additionally, you need a conceptual understanding of your true nature, which is both unconditional and universal.
You need to engage in some form of inner work, which I like to call psychological spiritual work.
Based on my experience, your healing progress will stall if all three areas are not addressed. As a result of this journey I have developed the OUT Healing Process. The process continues to morph and change as I learn more, but the framework is solid and can be used by anyone with a desire to heal at a deep level.
