DISMANTLING BELIEFS - MY STORY
Qigong and many of the self-healing techniques I share on social media are what I would call the fun part of healing. There is another part of healing which involves a bit more work. There are psychological and spiritual layers to this work and very often one of those areas is missed and the work becomes either overly psychological or overly spiritual. This often results in over or under-estimating where you are on the healing path and can even take you right off the path entirely. Part of my mission is to help people stay on their unique healing path by uniting these two components into what is most accurately called psychospiritual healing.
Today I want to talk about the process of examining and dismantling beliefs, which is a great example of the need to blend psychological and spiritual healing. I will discuss concepts such as absolute truth vs. relative truth and how being “awake” can mean very different things. I will discuss how this process has unfolded in my life over the last 10+ years. I also have a simple way for you to start examining your beliefs, but I have to warn you though, that if you really commit to the exercise, it may shatter your world. That being said, if you make it through this long article and feel that this is part of your healing journey, email me and I will send you the exercise.
To look at this topic we first have to ask 2 deep questions and we have to ask these questions with the utmost sincerity:
Why do you believe what you believe?
What do you know with absolute certainty?
I will give you the answer to second question right now. The only belief that we can know to be ABSOLUTELY true in this moment is the “I AM” statement (or sometimes stated “I EXIST”). Note that this is not a belief as it goes beyond the mind, but let’s just call it that for now. Try this simple exercise right now and you may feel the power in that simple statement. Close your eyes and say “I AM”. Say it a few times. You might feel something welling up deep inside of you. This is a taste of Absolute Truth, which is essentially your true nature. It is the core of what you are and what everything else is, both seen an unseen. This is wonderful, but there is another kind of truth. This would be called RELATIVE truth. All beliefs (minus the one above) are relatively true to varying degrees. For instance, it is relatively true that a dog is actually a dog. What was it before anyone called it that? It is relatively true that you are a human on planet earth. Really think about that. How do you know that you are a human on planet earth. Someone told you that. Who told them that? There is no way to verify it. Much of what we know cannot be verified, meaning that we cannot know it with absolute certainty, and therefore it is not Absolute Truth.
Which leads to the answer to the first question - your beliefs come from your parents, caretakers, grandparents, and on down the ancestral chain. Your beliefs come from the educational, cultural, political, religious, spiritual and healthcare systems you were exposed to during your life. Your beliefs come from the collective unconscious (see Carl Jung). Your beliefs come from social media, from the shows and movies you watch, the music you listen to and even the books/articles you read. In many instances your core beliefs are reinforced every time you pick up your phone and/or look at a screen. Some of these beliefs are more true than others but none of them are rooted in Absolute Truth and for most people they serve mainly to create division in their being and therefore division in the world. Did you know beliefs could do that? All you have to do is look at what people, groups and nations argue about. In addition, these beliefs trick people to believe that they are their beliefs. For instance, I AM Political, I AM Religious, I AM Human, I AM Good, I AM Sad. Anything that goes after I AM is a distortion of what you really are. As an aside, a really great way to relate with emotions is to remove the I AM. Normally we would say I AM sad. Change that to sadness is here. So, do we need these relative truths to function in this world?
I thought about this often when I was first teaching my daughter about the world. I knew that in the early years of her life she was experiencing the world with no beliefs and no labels. I knew when I taught her the name of a bird, it would disconnect her, to some degree, from the Absolute Truth of that bird and hence the Absolute Truth of her own being. Eventually, I realized that this a necessary part of the human experience. A child comes into this world in touch with the Absolute Truth of this reality (on an unconscious level), but they forget it as the SELF forms and they become accustomed to the relative truths of the world. In an ideal world a child will go on to use these relative truths as tools and they do not become overly identified with them. As parents, our job should be to let this process unfold naturally by working to dismantle our beliefs such that they don’t get passed onto our children and ultimately, teaching by example. This rarely happens. What often happens is that your relative truths become such a deep part of you that they control and often consume your life experience (and that of your children). For many it will be like this until their physical death. For others, something happens and you start to wake up. You get a taste of this Absolute Truth and want to connect with it again. This is really who this article is for, because what you now have to do is forget everything you learned about the world so the Absolute Truth can shine through again. BUT as an adult you can be fully conscious of it. As you do this, Absolute truth will start to orient your experience on a deeper and deeper level and you will use relative truths as tools to function in the world and fulfill your life purpose.
Before this happens a great deal of turmoil will likely ensue. As I was going through this process it became quite hard to function in this world for a while. The first part of this was that I became quite scared. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. Some people call this the disillusionment process and I think it is a very necessary part of the process. It can however, lead you to renounce relative truths entirely, which can make it impossible to function as a human. The second part of this was that in dismantling my beliefs I created another set of what I would call “spiritual beliefs”, which led me to retreat from the world. Eventually though, after a strange few years, these beliefs dissolved and I began to accept the relative nature of this reality. I began to reengage with life. I knew this had happened because my new favorite answer became “I don’t know.” How empowering this was for me (and possibly annoying for my wife). For so long I wanted so badly to know about the mysteries of this world, to know why and what and how. I read books and meditated and did all sorts of things “to know something” and to be “super spiritual.” I didn’t want Absolute Truth, I wanted to know more than other people and I wanted to be special (I AM special, I AM Spiritual). I even went through a phase where I didn’t want to read or learn anything from anyone else. The ultimate know-it-all. As my beliefs dissolved, something amazing happened. I became curious again, a bit more childlike. There were things I was interested in and excited about. I wanted to learn again and so I started reading and learning for the sheer joy of it, not for any specific purpose. I also began to have some deeper insights, which seemed to come out of nowhere. I didn’t grasp at them, I just let them come (If I grasped they would turn into beliefs). Interestingly, they often came in the middle of something random like washing the dishes or driving my car. These insights were always waiting for me, there was just no opening for them. They are waiting for you as well.
Here is how it might play out and please note I am generalizing here:
The Young Child - Absolute Truth is shining through you but you are not conscious of it (the SELF has not yet formed).
The “Normal” Adult - Absolute Truth has been forgotten and relative truths take over your experience. Basically, you are asleep. Very often these relative truths become deeply embedded and are used to create what many call the false self.
The “Partially-Awake” Adult - Something happens in your life and you may begin following certain spiritual practices. Whether you realize it or not you are in search of Absolute Truth. Very often you oscillate between 2 and 3 whilst thinking that you are either 4 or 5. You might adopt a spiritual persona and an entirely new set of "spiritual beliefs". You may become a hermit/loner/recluse or start traveling the world in search of something (while unconsciously you are just avoiding a part of your self).
The “Mostly-Awake” Adult - Absolute Truth guides your experience and you are conscious of it and you use relative truths to function as a healthy human adult in the world. Occasionally you can fall back asleep but usually you have a level of psychospiritual maturity that will enable you to “catch it”.
The “Fully-Awake” Adult (Enlightened) - Absolute truth (pure awareness). You live in a state of non-duality, there is no subject and object in your world. This is an entirely different order of being that I speculate exists. I can’t know for certain because I am not there, but I just wanted to put it on your radar.
Now, instead of beliefs, I have mostly opinions. (Note that I am continually checking to see if any beliefs are taking root). These opinions might pertain to certain aspects of this reality or to my role here. To me, opinions are less loaded. What I have found is that people with opinions are less likely to feel the need to share in a conversation unless explicitly asked. They are often comfortable just listening. If opinions start to be exchanged amongst people with opinions (not beliefs) the conversation will likely be more constructive and often uplifting as the people involved are more than likely trying to understand where you are coming from, not trying to change you. People with beliefs will take over a conversation, tell you that you are wrong and make you feel bad about the way you are living. They may even yell at you and call you names. Generally you will feel very drained after talking to this sort of person. Do you know anyone like this?
My opinions, which correlate with my core values, help guide me as I move through this world. They help me live in alignment with my core needs and those of my family. They help me fulfill the various roles I am here to fulfill - protector, teacher, healer, father, husband, male, human, etc. Even if these roles/labels are all relative, they exist in this reality and in my life. Further, I know that if I can remain flexible such that I step into and out of these roles without becoming overly identified with them, the Absolute Truth will guide me. My mind knows that I AM Steve, but something else knows I AM.
Please send me an email if you think this is something you want to try and I will send you the exercise for free.
BONUS
This article got pretty long and I initially cut this, but I think it is too powerful, so here it is. It may be that we are programmed by some of the sources above (see where beliefs come from) to believe that we can’t handle the Absolute Truth. The most powerful example of this is the famous line from the movie a Few Good Men. My theory is that you are being programmed on an unconscious level to believe that "You Can't Handle The Truth.” — The Absolute Truth. Well, you can handle the Absolute Truth, because you are Absolute Truth. Say it right now - “I Can Handle The Truth” or say the statement “I AM’, (which as previously discussed, points to the Absolute Truth). Saying these statements will not help you fully unwind this belief, but it will orient you in the right direction. Btw, This might be THE core belief that you need to unwind. It might be THE belief that keeps you from doing what you came here to do.